Posted by Vladimyr on Wednesday, January 7 2004
The current trend in America is anything and everything “gay." Of course, by gay, I mean homosexual. There will never be a trend in America to be happy. So, don your paisley Capri pants, Men. Ladies, put on your flannel shirt and work boots. It’s time to take your life choices and shove them down everyone’s throat!!
“We’re here. We’re queer. We’re fabulous. Get used to it!!” What the fuck is that shit all about? Get used to what? Okay, you’re gay. Fantastic! Good for you! Now tell me, what does it have to do with me? Why do I need to acknowledge you in some special way? I don’t care if some guy loves pink and pounds man ass all night in a bathhouse. I don’t care if some she-man in a lumberjack uniform bumps fuzz with her girlfriend either. I’m glad you’re happy with your lifestyle but I don’t fucking care! Let it rest already! I need to get a t-shirt made that says “I love pussy and beer and I want to fuck women all the time!” That way people can know my lifestyle and I can force them to think about it and acknowledge it even though it has nothing to do with them.
The Catholic church is against homosexuality, though their pedophile priests don’t appear to be aware of it, and so are most of the other Christian based religions. Therefore, I would be lead to think that the homosexual community would disapprove of the Catholic church forcing their way of thinking on everyone. Who are they to tell you that you shouldn’t be gay and it’s a crime against their god? What a bunch of pricks, forcing that on you and making you as aware of it as possible. That’s called sarcasm, for the slow among us.
The straight women out there think this whole trend is fan-fucking-tastic. More ammo in the gun that shall change men forever! Queer Eye For The Straight Guy is a godsend, isn’t it ladies? You’re wrong. Men are men and that’s what they will always be. Don’t try to make us more like you. That’s what your friends are for. Things are so bad right now I almost feel like I can never be “hip” because I like pussy. This show is telling me because I am straight I can’t cook, clean, or dress myself stylishly. That’s bullshit. I actually cook quite well. My clothes are neat, tidy, and wrinkle free. So what can they do that I can’t? Get an erection from a hairy man’s ass crack, I suppose.
We’ve had to endure all of these racial/sexual group trendy fads before. Remember the great Latin music craze? Boy that was great! Everyone strived to wear Chinos from the Gap and listen to Ricky Martin. Before that we had the “African Americans are the only people who can be cool” fad. Wow, rap music for the suburbs! Coming straight outta Montana, G! White kids everywhere were, and still are, striving to be just like their supposedly murderous, gangster, uneducated, millionaire heroes. Here’s a novel idea for the assholes that follow these trends. Try being original! Oh, wait, you’ll have to try real hard to do that and most likely you’ll end up copying someone you see as original, therefore making you unoriginal.
It’s 2004 and gay is the trend of the day. All the networks have scrambled to get more homosexual lead roles in their sitcoms, because apparently, gays are hilarious. Madonna and Britney made news by kissing on that music awards show. Yeah, that was spontaneous and homosexual; a publicist had nothing to do with it. So what is this fascination with same sex relationships? It’s not a new concept, People. The ancients had their share of homo-gays. Why now is it so cool to be an ass pirate? I have no idea.
We, the free thinking minority, are not impressed with your talent for knitting doilies. We don’t care if you know how to remove a ketchup stain from a wool sweater. We don’t care just how limp your wrists are. We could give a fuck that your life partner’s name is Bruce and you are very happy together. You’re gay, big shit. Get over yourself and get a fucking life! Stay out of my face, get off my TV, and sashay your fruity ass back to Frisco, Mary. You’re not special and I don’t care.
