Posted by mach5potato on Tuesday, September 16 2003
(Inspired by George Carlin)
Hello my fellow pussyfied Americans. For your protection this article was shipped frozen, irradiated, and dipped in an antibacterial solution. You are fucking pussies. Has everyone in this country forgotten how the immune system works? Let me explain it real simple. You get sick, it kicks the nasty cells’ asses, and you feel better. But something else happens when you use your immune system; it gets stronger. You see, it needs practice to be good at its job. My immune system has battled everything from the chicken pox to half cooked dog burritos from the taco wagon down the street. Yes, I do get sick, but that’s how the system works.
Look in your local supermarket sometime and count how many products are anti-bacterial or anti-microbial. We have Q-tips, Band-Aids, Toilet-bowl cleaner, and even air freshener that kill germs. What’s the problem with that you are asking? Have you ever noticed that these products say “kills 99.9% of the germs in your house”? What do you think that the other .1% of germs not killed are doing? They are breeding little germ offspring that are resistant to your sprays and cleaners and yes even your precious antibiotic pills. What does that mean for you and your family? It means that one bad motherfuckin germ is going to kick your ass and maybe your dog’s ass too just for fun. And you are the one who created the Rambo virus all by yourself on your nice 99.9% germ free counter top.
You have to remember one thing. Germs are life too. Their only job is to live. If they are around something that is killing them, they simply mutate so that they don’t die (see evolution). That is how life works, adapt and thrive. Those who don’t adapt die. I am not telling you to start eating raw chicken and drinking from thrown away straws. Just stop being such pussies. Take a risk; go eat at that restaurant that failed the health inspection last year. Eat the burger that fell of the grill. And if you do get sick, don’t run to the doctor for antibiotics. You may be surprised to know that some viruses actually have mutated to eat and live off of common antibiotics. I do urge everyone to get vaccinated for polio and things like that. That is what helps keep these diseases under control. Vaccines themselves are just the disease weakened so our immunes system knows how to kill that threat. So you see, to be healthy we must first be sick.
If you want to help our species, leave your kids the fuck alone. Kids are germ infested nasty little critters who are supposed to get sick. That is how it works. Kids get filthy and full of germs to help their new immune systems. Never letting them outside where they could get bitten by an infected mosquito and keeping them clean, you are making them weak. When I was a kid we ate dirt and played with all types of nasty critters. Sure someone might have gotten lice or worms, but we got something far more important also, one bad-ass immune system.
You people make me sick to my stomach. West Nile Virus, Monkey Pox, Small Pox. Shit, people have been dying from disease for centuries. The plague killed millions in Europe, but not everyone got it. The people who were resistant had little resistant babies and we no longer get the plague. That is called natural selection, look it up sometime, ass-hat. By saving everyone, we are diluting the gene pool to the point where one good strain of virus is going to kill us all.
So keep buying your bleach soaked cleaners and believing that our government can cure you with a shot at anytime. I on the other hand will be eating off my dirty counter-top and unmopped floor and giving my immune system some practice. We are all going to die sometime. Live a little, swim in some raw sewage, eat off the floor, and most importantly don’t wash your hands all the time. Your immune system will thank you for some much needed practice. And do your fellow man a favor too. If you sneeze, don’t cover your nose. Spit on the sidewalk also. If someone dies from your germs maybe they were too weak to live in the first place.
