Posted by Vladimyr on Wednesday, November 26 2003
Well, it’s Thanksgiving time again. Time to gather with your family to give thanks for, well, something. I doubt any of us really know what.
Maybe we’re giving thanks for the ability to stuff our fat jowls full of enough food to feed a third world country for a year. Maybe we’re giving thanks to the Native Americans for allowing us to kill them with biological warfare and take their land away from them. Maybe we’re giving thanks for the shitty jobs that rule our lives, making us bitter, miserable bastards that neglect our families. I’m sure we all have our own reasons.
Mostly, we’re celebrating the first time that the Pilgrims, known for their fashion sense, sat down with the native peoples of North America to celebrate their good fortune. I’m sure the native people felt very fortunate to have the white invaders in their homeland. After all, they gained so much from their arrival. They were introduced to new diseases that wiped out huge percentages of their population. They were shot and killed for intruding on land that the whites claimed ownership of. They were even eventually imprisoned on their own lands in small, shitty wastelands known as “reservations.” I mean, come on, who wouldn’t be thankful for all that?
So, Thanksgiving Day, as you gather with your families to celebrate hundreds of years of murder, deceit and treachery, enjoy your 4500 calorie meal of artery clogging gravy and pie. Our ancestors destroyed an entire race of people for that turkey leg and the canned cranberry sauce that comes out still in the shape of the can, so savor every bite!
